Mammogram, smear tests and a lot of thinking!

Something to look forward after our holiday - yesterday I received two letters
1. The doctor - reminder to book for a smear
2. The Breast clinic - mammogram (appt for when we are away - will have to change it)
I know they have to be done - oh the joys of being a woman! Will put all thoughts of them both to the back of my mind until after the holiday.

I did my stint at WW last night. One thing I really love is seeing the happiness of the people who are succeeding. One young girl is close to losing 50 kilos now and has only 5 to go to goal!! She used to come in and would never smile or react. I know we aren't meant to comment on losses or gains when weighing in but one night I couldn't help myself and told her she looked fantastic and that I could see her shrinking before my eyes. She broke into a huge grin, now every time I weigh her she approaches me with that grin, she really glows!!

Then I got thinking (I seem to do a lot of that these days! Boy you really do learn a lot about yourself when faced with the challenges of losing weight and trying to keep it of). I find myself quite often doing a type of self analysing, I've learnt about my weaknesses, also strengths I never imagined I had. I learnt to start with I needed that weekly facing up to the scales, I really wish I had started my journal then! I feel a bit pathetic writing now when weight loss is non existent, almost a bit of a fraud but then I get thinking well I have lost around 25 k's and I've kept it of. Can't believe how it was almost so easy to start with. I wish you had known me when I was losing rather than being this woman that is yo-yoing around the same weight! The first part of my journey was by far the easiest! As I said last night I did some serious thinking. I wrote the other day that life is too short to worry and it is! Yes I'm OK about being the weight I am, I'm happy, I'm no longer stressing if I can't fit all the exercise in I feel I should be doing, I can handle eating out and make good choices, I can maintain my weight, - but even if it takes forever (and it's looking that it probably will) one day I would like to be down to the top of WW goal range for my height. I know it's not going to make me any happier, I will still be the same shape, with big boobs, the middle roll, no waist and skinny legs, can't change that! I just know I will feel better without these last few kilos, most importantly it could benefit my health if I could get of the medication I'm on for high BP - which in turn causes weight gain, vicious circle.

A few weeks ago I remember writing an entry saying how I was doing this alone now and didn't need the support of WW, well in a way I am, but maybe by doing it alone I'm not answering to anyone! The challenge on my sidebar - well easy to forget to weigh in, easy to forget the challenge. About 18 months ago my WW leader talked me into setting a personal goal as I was having trouble losing the last bit of weight - so I did. Since then I've only weighed in twice at W Watchers! This is because I knew I was a couple of kilos from my lightest and I didn't want to weigh until it had gone - it never has. Wondering now if this is where I mucked up, because I don't have to answer to anyone except me. Seeing peoples reactions when weighing, the conversations going on, the help they are giving each other, I know I've heard most of the discussions several times over, but I do miss it. I attempted going to the Sat meetings, but weekends are not good for me as we are quite often not here, so it didn't work for me.

My aim is to maintain while on holiday - no reason why I can't, I've done it before. So I'm treading water and maintaining for a couple of weeks until after the holiday and then who knows what I'm going to throw at myself after that, I'm still thinking about it.

Off to the beach this weekend, then just a few more sleeps and we will be packing. Peter thought I was mad when he saw the size of the piece of luggage I bought