Third time lucky.

I’m the queen of procrastination and despite doing a fair bit of that yesterday I did make it to the gym. I came out feeling great! So why do I get this dread feeling and then actually enjoy it – weird! Have given it a lot of thought and maybe found the reason why – more at the end. I felt a bit silly going back, like here I go again, I’ve failed because I didn’t keep it up. But I haven’t failed because I've picked myself up and started again. My program was still there, surprise, surprise. I jumped on the Exercycle and off I went, after just a couple of minutes the gym instructor (I later found he was the gym manager) appeared and asked how my program was going. I said I had to make an appointment to be re-assessed and so he told me to pop by the desk on the way out. So all organised – my assessment is Monday and then I get a new program. I liked him, we had quite a talk about what I wanted to achieve. He seemed impressed when I told him even though I hadn’t been going to the gym for a while that I do aqua most days.

I seriously couldn’t believe how great I felt afterwards. I was on a bit of a high. I had to meet Peter to sort out the new TV decision and I kept saying to him how great it was to get back again. There was a little halo above my head, well a biggish one really. So why the delays, the negative thoughts, the mucking about in getting back into the gym? OK a couple of injuries stopped me last year – but then I could have gone back and just didn’t….

Maybe I just didn’t believe in myself. Well I know I didn’t. I was telling myself I wouldn’t last, I wouldn’t enjoy it, and this is all a bit of a joke – me going to the gym! In my whole life up until the last couple of years I can only remember two little planned stints of exercise and I treated it all as a huge joke. The first - aged 19 just before the big OE, my friend and I trudged in to a gym in Wellington for an exercise class, we walked out an hour or so later – legs like jelly and collapsed laughing on the footpath and then off to the pub to try and look like a couple of 20 years olds so we could have a drink. That was it for me until way into my 30’s when aerobics was the thing – so off I went again, again with a friend, we spent most of the class in the back row, giggling away and not really giving a damn. Then the instructor turned the class around – literally and we were no longer in the back row but were now the front of the class. More laughing, giggling and embarrassed, way too hard for me and my friend, we never went back. So maybe I’ve had this mind thing going that it’s a bit of a joke, something to laugh about, maybe people are laughing at me – so if I laugh at myself first it makes it ok.

The past couple of years I’ve thought long and hard about many things, mainly why did I end getting big, why did I struggle with self image, why did I stuff food into me when I didn’t need it. Gradually the picture has got clearer, some answers but no great revealing ones. I’ve learnt to deal with the food thing, I thought I was dealing well with exercise too, but do know I now need a serious kick here and that aqua while great (especially to start with) is not enough for me. So with much persuasion (again with myself!) I knew I needed more and deep down I knew it needed to be a good combination of gym, aqua and some walking. So sitting here procrastinating this morning I came up with another answer – deep down I wasn’t ready to take it seriously and never ever in my life thought I would be doing this. I thought people would treat me as a joke, even my family might think I’m losing the plot after being the blob for so long now racing around joining a gym. I’m starting to realise that the only one with negative thoughts was me!

Today after the self analysis thing - I was there for me and as I said I came out feeling great. By the way – this is my third attempt at starting a new gym program, third time lucky! While there I was thinking that I was making my body better – not just to look at, but making it stronger and healthier.

I’m going back today, then into the pool. No procrastination today, my gear is all ready!

This weekend, our son arrives back on his way home from the wedding, so family BBQ tomorrow night, WW tomorrow morning, gardening, housework.... This is our first weekend home for about a month so will be a busy one. Hope you all have a good one:)